whenever i leave my blog, means something is starting to go wrong. and when i come back, means its already horribly horribly wrong and i'm just looking for a place to pour out to.

i'm alone at home now and frankly i'm panicking. i feel my life is so aimless.
when i panic i eat, and i started on food challenges again, much to the dismay of yuki n frenz...

its now day 5 and for e first time in my life, i'm sick n tired of eating.

so now i'm desperate for comfort. for distraction.

but i dont wanna be a burden to those already so busy and so burdened. n besides, i'm supposed to help, not be helped. in church, among frenz, at work, at home, n the list goes on.

with my cocky attitude, sharp tongue, and carefree smile,,,,,but inside, i sit here wishing for a 'everything's-gonna-be-alright-cos-i-am-here' hug.

its times like these when i forget my ego and just want to be held. its times like these when i wait for the impossible call, the impossible knock at the door, the non-existent arms that would calm this whirlwind in me.

i can call instead of wait. but at least waiting, i can imagine that it just m.i.g.h.t. come. i'd sound pathetic over the phone, asking him to make the trip here just to hug me! he wont come anyway, who am i to him.

k, at least i've calmed down a little. 15 min and tution time anyway... sigh~ need to appear confident again.