Mmmm whatcha say

Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmmm that it's all for the best?
of course it is
Mmmm whatcha say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
whatcha say?
Mmmm what did she say?

change


ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

____________________________________________
there's nothing more to say, so just let it be. and lets be friends.
____________________________________________

change topic.

i just came back from uncle robert ong's wake.
Jeremy, your poem was short and sweet. great job dude.

i feel quite silent, but there's some urgency awakened in me.
i want to be able to see my parents in heaven.
i must be able to see my parents in heaven.
God help me

i love you mom

i love you mom.
you're my friend.
i want to be just like you

the sticker boys are gone!

looks kinda larger than normal

that's because the temperature scanners are gone.

they stopped sticking stickers on us 3 days ago so it was kinda expected i guess.
well i'm happy.

no1) they're useless. they hardly turn away anyone. my colleague running a high fever and looking terribly sick got past them. once, my foreign patient complained that one of the sticker girls took off her N95 mask just to sneeze a HUGE one, then put it back on.Diao~

that's what i call them, sticker boys/girls. they are probably students doing part time word, cos they dress like students. i don't expect them to wear suits or scrubs, but there's no need to look like you're going clubbing. and they act like students too, fooloing around with the laptops which are connected to the thermal scanners, doodling on the stickers... sigh.... this is mount e. famous for being 'atas'. and these are the first staff the patients and visitors see when they step in.

no2) the door can be used again!!!

no need to make one BIG round just to get to paragon.
on the other hand, i haven't been sent to Paragon on errands for quite a while. since there're less patients (fasting for muslims and 7mth for the Chinese), things in the clinic have kinda slowed. instead, i spend most of the day at the comp.


at home, i'm forever at the comp, now at work i'm at the comp. eye rings getting worse sia~

the reason izzzz.... Esther/jock mai (gosh, getting rather connfused) convinced me that learning how to manage a clinic could get me futher (the health minister was a clinic manager) than learning the actual medical stuff. meaning instead of seeing actual innards, i'm looking at pictured of them now. i have to suppress my curiosity to not try to understand every medical term i come across, so that i can have my time to crunch numbers about the $$$.

i took Econs/Math/ Chem/ Phy in TPJC. Majored in Chem minored in Econs in NUS.
the perfect combinations for clinic management as it turns out.
i din plan it that way.
i only chose them because i like those subjects slightly more than the rest.

God is amazing.

Live fast die fun

i've decided to go for it.

and i'm not gonna tell anyone until i've got it.

it would probably take me half a year, cost about $500, give me a couple of bruises and burns.
but when i get it,,,,

WHOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Audry and i tryin hats during our ATAS shoppin



sling- tired

Lets talk about sex

Alpha males telling each other about how much they're 'getting', the good, the bad, and the downright n.a.s.t.y... well, that's not really surprising to me. Alpha females sharing the unsharables... well.. erm.. i sit quietly and do my stuff, but inside i'm thinking: is this typical non-Christian female conversation?

Fathers teach their kids rubbish. Otosan's fantastic reply to "where do babies come from?"

When you marry, you'd take a boat together to see a man who lives on a far away island. On a pillar table beside him sits a huge bowl full of eggs the size of gumballs. He will ask you, 'girl or boy?'. If you reply 'girl', he'd put a pink egg in your outstretched hands. If you reply 'boy', he'd give you a blue one. Then you take it home and plant it.

at that point, I believed him.

kids usually find out about the birds and the bees fast from their friends or through the internet. but since i was not the friendly sort, i was blissfully ignorant.

i remember in Pri 3, i was sketching a picture of William Farquhar when one of the popular girls came up to me:

"Who's that?"
"William Farquhar"
"What's his surname?"
"Farquhar"
"Can you just say the front part?"
"Farq"

She went away proudly to her sniggering clique, while i went back to my drawing, thinking: what e heck was so funny about 'farq'

in Sec 3, i finally found out. and it was only because i asked my best friend Kat what our friend meant by saying that he was going to 'fly kite'.

as if to make up for lost time, so many people around me are talking about sex! Grah~ i must seem like some kind of pervertic weirdo, the wat i keep dictionary.com-ing the meaning og the those dirty words they use. and now that i know... well,, i still hope they'd stop. Its weird.

stapled an accidental tear on my skirt, gothic.... i LOVE it!!!

whenever i leave my blog, means something is starting to go wrong. and when i come back, means its already horribly horribly wrong and i'm just looking for a place to pour out to.

i'm alone at home now and frankly i'm panicking. i feel my life is so aimless.
when i panic i eat, and i started on food challenges again, much to the dismay of yuki n frenz...

its now day 5 and for e first time in my life, i'm sick n tired of eating.

so now i'm desperate for comfort. for distraction.

but i dont wanna be a burden to those already so busy and so burdened. n besides, i'm supposed to help, not be helped. in church, among frenz, at work, at home, n the list goes on.

with my cocky attitude, sharp tongue, and carefree smile,,,,,but inside, i sit here wishing for a 'everything's-gonna-be-alright-cos-i-am-here' hug.

its times like these when i forget my ego and just want to be held. its times like these when i wait for the impossible call, the impossible knock at the door, the non-existent arms that would calm this whirlwind in me.

i can call instead of wait. but at least waiting, i can imagine that it just m.i.g.h.t. come. i'd sound pathetic over the phone, asking him to make the trip here just to hug me! he wont come anyway, who am i to him.

k, at least i've calmed down a little. 15 min and tution time anyway... sigh~ need to appear confident again.

lilium

been neglecting my keyboard in favor of other more "exciting" instruments lately. but you cant play lilium on the guitar or bass without sounding pretty too funked up. just like you cant play opera on the guitar or bass.

the song's in latin and is pretty much from Psalms and the epistle of James.

Os iusti meditabitur sapientiam
Et lingua eius loqueter indicium

Beatus vir qui suffert tentationem
Quoniqmcum probates fuerit accipient coronam vitae

Kyrie, ignis, divine, eleison
O quam sancta Quam serena
Quam benigna Quam amoena
O castitas Lilium!


The mouth of the just shall meditate wisdom
And his language shall be clear

Blessed is he who suffers temptation
Since he, with striving, shall receive the crown of life

Lord, fire divine, have mercy
Oh how sacred How serene
How benevolent How lovely
Oh, lily of purity!
Lilium Elfen Lied

i'm flirting with the bass, flinging with the guitar, but in the end, my heart still belongs with the piano :P

smaller boobs pls

where i work at, boobs are an everyday topic. and no, not in a kinky sense. its a hospital clinic k. think breast cancer awareness.

but i do hear often of ladies who want them bigger. and for friends who ask me, i tell them to eat more. seriously. kei asked me that day if i had 'grown', i told her its where all the noodles and rice seem to go to.

i'm voluptuous and i'm cool with that. but i'm not so cool when guys are more interested in my figure than in what i say. its like heloooo~ *tilt my head down to match their gaze level*

or when my athletic abilities are questioned becos of the way i look.

so, smaller boobs will be nice. but how e heck does one accomplish tt? tryin to eat less but not really succeeding. raargh, i don wanna look like some bimbo!

carbo queen

while eating dinner, catching up on the news and talking to myself, i suddenly thought: i eat so much and still people think i dont eat just cos i like eating alone and i'm not fat.

they'll question me like "so what did you eat for lunch?" "u sure?" "i think kimi does not eat at all"

WTH.

so here's an example of my dinner:

i had finished the pot of tofu soup and was already half way thru the noodle mountain...


rice + the bit of soup left.


mom hid the maggi mee, but i found it. so thats next.


maggi takes 5 min in microwave to be really soggy so in the mean while... another bowl of plain rice

other barang barang like fishballs and vege and peanuts, not worth taking photo.

maggi is addictive, had another one


admittedly, its a little more than normal, cos i was in a gorging mood. but yeah.


dessert on my bed..

box of nougats, thanx EC!

only like the crunchy ones tho, kei likes the soft ones, 'll pass her them later :)

so there. i prefer to eat alone. having ppl around distracts me from savoring every bite.

RP more important than mambo... yeah

me in the clinic:
"dr H is fully booked today"
"cannot squeeze in ar?"
" sorry, really cannot...Dr H schedule really packed..."
"i come all the way you know!"
"how about next week?"
"har... today can?"
"really cannot, dr H got blah blah blah.."

me on my hp:
"i'm meeting the RP ppl, then promised a fren to help him with his Japanese"
"after that mambo la!"
"that'll be 11++pm, cannot lar"
"vee boyfriend coming you know"
"sorry my schedule really packed..."
"change leh, change leh, mambo eh"
"how about next week?"
"har... tonight la"
"too late notice, cannot... blah blah...."

its like my phone dialogue doesn't change.
sling-kinda-thing thinks that i should make it a rule for friends to book appointments with me.... nt bad idea sia~
sorry lar, sling n yuki, really too short notice, mambo next week k :)

just came back from helping Kenn catch up with his Japanese schoolwork. really dead beat.

btw, HAPPI quarter centuary BIRTHDAY GION~ ONONONONON!!!

i realized that i have no idea who reads my blog.

take for example, the me kayaking at lower seletar with RP. i've mentioned it a dozen times in here but still call it a secret. cos yuki can still ask me why i so burnt. obviously he stopped reading when i got lazy with my postings a few mths back.

means i can say crappy things about him here eh. hmmm...... ahahah.

so the tpssc gang doesn't come here (jimbo maybe heh) ... edamame gang also.... np gang also.... RP won be bothered... bsf family also... nus-fellas... ASE, nop (linn they all so noisy, sure will know if they come)...

many many 猪狗朋友, but those i see dont seem to bother with blogs.

so who are those in my stat counter?

shiok view from my balcony, rain or shine...

han-something

many months ago i had a dream, i was getting married, that very day.
i was put in a white gown and was inside this Elizabethan hotel. i panicked, and ran. i knew the groom, he's a nice person. it was a horrible dream and i was glad to wake up.

yesterday i had a dream, i was getting married, that very day.
apparently it was a chinese dinner wedding so it wasnt fully commital (i know it does not make sense).
it was arranged, i had no idea who the groom was.
i wore a white dress, i spilled brown tea on it.
i said ok, but still panicked and ran.
i hid at the patio at the front of the hall.
a kid saw me, so i said "could you call the groom over here?"

and he did. trying not to fall off the v. small patio, i said "hi"

he said "hi".

"you ok?"

i nodded. somewhere in between, i guess i warmed.

the guests were leaving, failed wedding but nice dinner.
i met him at the entrance. so there we were in an embrace, kind of a slow dance, with the the guests walking past us. they smiled, not so failed afterall.

he wasn't tall, nor dark nor strikingly handsome. he was nice. youngish, little on the lean side. fair, black longish fringe hair. i don't remember him being funny or talented, but i remember him feeling warm.

i dont remember his name except that it was han-something.

somewhere, i knew i would wake up. but i din want to. cos that would be admitting that he's not real. han-something is not real. but i wanted him to be.

in any case, the red and mahogany ballroom disappeared. han-something's , shoulder was replaced by my pillow.

i turned away from the sunlight and close my eyes, trying to remember han-something. he has got to be real. god, pls pls make him real.

i'm typing this cos i dont want to forget. you can say its ridiculous to love someone who's not real, but why not?

anikin is the one thats not real. the good friend that i made him out to be, he's not real. the decent, misunderstood, mature guy. thats not real. i can call him by a dozen different names, never using his real name, cos deepdown, i know he's not real. and i dont think i want the real him.

so i want han-something.
i'm gonna sleep on the floor again, laptop on, with my pink pillow and white top.
pls pls, let me have part 2 with han-x.

Elfen Lied

i dont know how i could have missed reading this manga.

stumbled upon the trailer on you tube by chance and got so hooked on it, been glued to the comp since thurs evening, watching all 13 episodes and then reading all 12 books of it.

jimbo, you'd like this.



this pretty much shows you what you're in for : gore and nudity

the style is... v. diverse. think eva + chobits + love hina or perhaps kill bill, anime style

The Diclonius are a species of evolved humans with two horns and vectors, transparent arms that have the power to manipulate and cut objects within their reach. they are mainly held in an experimental facility, but one, Lucy, escapes.
she loses her memory and meets Kohta and Yuka and they call her 'Nyu' and live together.

A Diclonius named Nana and a soldiers, are sent to hunt down Lucy. However, Lucy and her cold characteristics have not yet faded away; whenever she hits her head or is confronted with violence, she reverts to her sadistic side and makes transitions between her two personalities throughout the series.

there's so much more to the story line which touches on human sadism, casual beatings, child sexual abuse, animal cruelty, cruel experimentation and outright killing

One of the most prevalent motifs of the series is the humanity of the Diclonius, especially contrasted against the inhumanity of ordinary people.

One reviewer described the series as "devoted to quite a few of the darker, more callous factors of human nature"


trailer of the 2005 anime using the theme song Lilium

Lilium is sooo beautifully, gothicly, solumn~

as in most cases, the manga and anime have v different endings. manga having more closure and anime being more cryptic. its a tough fight for this one cos both are beautiful endings.

this is what great manga/anime is. no offense but naruto, bleach, etc. cant come close to the sheer art of Elfien Lied.

look at the black glass

was transiting at cityhall on my way to the clinic. i tend to look down, esp while waiting for the train. something was different tho...

notice anything missing?

where're the yellow lines? the funnel like sign on the floor and the arrow in the middle of it?

i figured that i'd find out sooner or later so my mind wandered to the people around. to the reflection of myself in the glass panels. it had been a while since i saw myself.
i freely use the word narcissistic, vain, cam whore... but i dont really look at myself that often.

i liked what i saw in the dark glass tho. ballet flats, beige pants, white tank and pearl earrings. good, i look warm yet professional.
but i dont feel warm nor professional. its for the patients. its a look.

you can stalk me with chocs anytime

.... just after my yesterday's post... about guys who are too shy to say hi...

... sigh~, why leave it at the doorstep?

oh well, its ALMOND ROCA...! its like a box of gold nuggets, my fave in the chocolate/caramel category

so, thanx David, tho i really dont think thats your real name. i wont reply your letter cos, erm... i dont even know you so its weird. and you dont know me so dont jump to silly conclusions by just overhearing my conversation with my fren.

if you do see this post, just know i enjoyed the Roca alot :)

just the right amount for a mid-night pleasure~


20 min later...


45 min later...

DJ Ian & me sitting by the pool

bumped into my kinda-neighbour DJ Ian just as i finished my jog so we went to chill by the pool. catch up with each other and our 'happening ' lives.

that idiot thot i got pregnant cos i looked so pudgy!!! still dare to disbelieve me when i claimed the V-word. if i not so tired, would have shoved you into the pool.

Ian Tan has a way of being a listening ear to me as i complain about the affairs of the heart. being a person who is sooo much like me, practical but foolish at heart, he can understand the feeling of knowing the stupidity in something, but going ahead anyway becos it puts a smile on your face even if its only for a while.

part of my complain:

why do guys have to go one biiiiiiiigg round, thru facebook, thru frenz, thru mail box (yes, conventional mail) to intro themselves?

i was at the party/ gym/ gathering for hours, y wait until so much later?

guys who have the boldness to approach get immediate points. cos i know its not easy, i'm loud, i'm blur, and more often then not, i'm surrounded by protective friends.

so Ian asked what kind of guy i liked: (pls take it with a pinch of salt)

• i'm a go getter, so my guy has to top that. he's got to know what he wants and fight for it. if i'm worth it, fight. if not, dont bother starting.
• i'm cheeky, my guy has to top that.
• i'm fit, my guy has to top that.
  
• i trust in the Bible and Christ, my guy has to equal that.

boost me up!

i need energy. and the absurd thing is that the more energy i spend, the more tired i am, the less solid food i can take. i'll be drinking a can of coke every couple of hours, having protein shakes during lunch and making my noodles and rice as soggy and mooshy as possible for dinner.

my colostrum and energy pills, just started taking them again.

p/s, the big one is my pill case

colostrum

• strengthens immune system (swine flu)
  
• improves and protects against allergy (i'm allergic to prawns)
  
• promotes wound healing (sports recovery)
  
• improves nutrient absorption, increases bone mass
  
• protect against free-radicals (sun)

the brown ones just make my body better use its resources for energy.

really need them... was like sniffing all afternoon, which is BAD!!! cos...

mount E's flu check

yeah, it's started.

i'm NOT SICK btw... the aircon is just too cold. i get cold easily.
but of cos patients dont know that, so if i sniff they'd think i'm infected. so must control.

out of my 4 tuition boys, 3 kena flu and postponed tuition!
think its exam stress tho...
my immune system is very power so it'll have to be the genuine swine flu if i am to fall ill.

but choi choi choi! i've got too much on my schedule to be able to afford being quarantined!
k, gonna jog now, tata :)

stupid stupid stupid

you're so stupid.


i'm here, and you're soo stupid!


dumb. woodenheaded.

あんたバカ!

.i'm so stupid.

otosan's 55

today Dr Hong not in clinic so i have the day off! which is perfect cos its otosan's bday :)

supposed to visit the S.A.M. (singapore art museum for those blur ppl), bbbbuuuuttttt.....

swine flu form, note qn 6 i friggin work at mount E! raargh. so thats it. am i gonna be refused entry at other places in time to come? crappy but no choice, dun wanna lie about it just to see a few paintings.

seriously tho, i'm not scared. the only asian case as of now is not even an asian. hope it ends soon and not cripple the already crappy economy.

so went swensen's instead.

topless 5, 7.90

chose sticky choco mix, yummy raisin, chocolate peanut buttercup, pistachio almond and lime sherbet. but realized that the color combi was really poor!

verdict: sticky choco, rum n raisin, and penut rox heavy! pistacho almond was too almondy. lime sorbet is really nice but somehow doesn't go with the creamyness of the others.

seafood lasagna 13.90

absolutely sinful

sirloin steak 20.90

the correct portion size = a deck of cards. bingo. other places over serve.

ribeye steak 22.50

i prefer the sirloin to rib eye... but then again, i'm not a meat person, i prefer carbo.

gtg, kenneth's here for tuition. raargh, tuitioning OT cos of the mid terms.

Angel (sarah McLachlan)

Spend all your time waiting For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay

There�s always one reason To feel not good enough
And it�s hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins

Let me be empty And weightless and maybe
I�ll find some peace tonight

heard that mabel and fabian are back together again. its probably old news but its news. cos they were dating when we all were in TKSS, den they broke up, and had their own happenings, and a decade later, i hear they're back.

and i know that many are counting on that for fu wen n i.

time heals, and that kinda sucks actually. cos it means that memories fade, and you dont really miss each other anymore. it becomes normal to not be at each other's family gatherings, normal to not know whats happening in each other's lives. normal to not tell each other things, sad things, even happy things.

i can wear the stuff he gave me without thinking about him, go the places we used to go, do the things we used to do, hardly reminiscing. maybe i just learned to shut the thoughts somewhere cos they're useless, or maybe i'm hard hearted.

some say that i dumped him, that i'm commitment phobic and he wanted to settle down. they can say whatever they want.

and certainly, there are alot of rascals who are going all out with the nonsense stories. judging by the average rumour, i seem to be a very happening wildchild.

admittedly, there are SOME with basis, but it amuses me to keep them guessing. i like being cryptic.

when kimi ran

RP training at lower seletar

very very dumb thing happened.
was thinking of staying the day to help the RP team out with their new junior batch. chatting with sihan, alan, hanting and lala (the other lala)... den suddenly

" hey, its amanda"

i din even think, ran into the shed, grabbed my bag and ran off.

dunnoe why lar, still avoiding confrontation i guess.

gotta come out soon tho... RP is gonna be training in Macrit by 20th may. they can say that the timing will not be the same as NUS or the nat team but yeah, sure will bump into them sooner or later.

is that bad? what am i afraid of? i dont know, i just know i'm happy just the way things are right now, with no connection to the past or future at all.

sally's housewarming

sally's back row, second from left.

just came back from sally's house warming. surreal feeling. the NP gang, sitting in her new home, at AMK, looking at her wedding dress...

we've known each other for like 12 years? since sec 1. half our lives!
n now one of us has... well... settled.

(photos coming soon, see facebook)


when ever i meet my NP gang, its like a different world altogether. for one, i talk nonstop. we all talk NONSTOP. in CHINESE!!!

if not for you guys, my chinese would suck worse. i almost forgot how i can talk 200 words a min in (quite good) 中文.

sooo love you, connie, qiu jing, lai lin, sally, liang zhong, kuah, pek...
and those who were not there... Y NEVER COME?!?!?!?!??

the thankyou bouquet

this came at the end of the day:

darn huge bouquet. more like a tree.
you'd hardly get this in many professions, being able to help people in their time of need. so even tho i just do admin here, even tho i'm not putting my hon's degree to use, i love it. and it reminds me everyday, in so many ways, how blessed i am.





i'm anti-bread talk. dont buy me stuff from breadtalk. used to be pretty into it, but the quality has really decreased thru e years.

was looking around for cakes to buy for otosan's birthday,

mmm.. macha roll... i'd like this but i dun think kei would.

my 2nd choice, champagne cake from swissbake.think i'll buy myself one for my bday.

gossip guys

not really working on the udon thing anymore, just no time. i'm like having most of my meals out also, so yeah.

like the other day, jock mai took me to lunch at sushi tei, of cos i can't "excuse me, 5 bowl udon pls".. rite...

but in any case, most days my lunch looks like today's:

croqquette bread, $1.60. tuna mayo bun, $2.10. from isetan's bakery. soy milk, $1.30 jolly bean. custard puffs, $1.40 for 3. subway niche. looks like i spent alot but its all covered by Dr Hong :P

den a patient brought in a few boxes of these:

peanut pancakes!!!!!!

joined the RP team for dinner, actually more like joined the guys, the gals sat at another table cos they came much later, n i din get to talk to them.

tomi, yong an, ben and nick

they were actually primping for the cam in anticiation of a posed shot, but nah, this one better, show their hiaoness.

we TOTALLY gossipped the whole way! oh man, these guys are soooo fun. the whole team sounds soooo fun!

and seems like they 're extra fun when drinking ;)

Strawberry, they soo spilled the beans on you dude...

to run or not to run

kei decided to start running. again. wonder how long she's last this time, usually its a week.

but this time's different. she's got a goal (won tell you what).
kinda cool cos i realized that i ran faster just now, knowing that she somewhere ahead (she run 3k, i'd run 4k, so i turn around later than her) love the thrill of a mini challenge :)

abi asked me if i was gonna do the ST marathon again this year. i dunnoe eh, running alone for 7 hrs kinda sian...

but in any case, just train up a bit. best is if i could jio someone. but that someone cannot be too fast or too slow, hmmmm...... thats e problem of having too many friends who are either guys or are from the emo generation (i.e. not running kind)

after our first ST, 2007

jason yap!!!!! you wanna run this year???

once upon a time at T2

just got home. been a long day. physically tired and mentally confused, but i'll address that in another post.


uncle matt smsed me out of the blue to come downstairs. actually i could guess la, he rented a car again and jioed able out for a spin to no where. well, this time got somewhere, T2.


boy do i love midnight drives!

watching Once on matt's laptopBSF ppl are like, erm classy eaters, but since i'm a soft drink junkie, matt n able decided on macs to accomodate me, soo sweet!!!

gosh i miss my uncle alan tho....
you think that 30somethings are boring? nOOOOOOO, they've got WAAAYYY more spontaneity that most youngsters i know !

...
tired...
daniel meade is online, but my mind blank now, tmr tmr, cant handle him today.

shoppin with the fashionista

raargh, whole day back to back, church then tuition wei lun then tuition jereld. finally free at 630pm so decided to go meet kei to check out tampines one.

i dont ususlly shop, and when i do, i dont usually shop with people cos i dont like feeling like i'm dragging them about. but i kinda like shoppin with kei. cos she's such a fashionista!!! she'll look at her own stuff and not focus on my shoppin, which i like :)

"you dress very unglam"
"what's wrng with this???" aahhaha, was wearing a tennis skirt, stand chart marathon tee and slippers.

the manequin at topshop, that's kei's own clothes btw.. freak, even the shoes happen to be the same color

darn, daniel meade not replying my msn... make me rush home for what sia~
idiot idiot idiot, i'm lke half scolding myself, why was i so compelled to rush home just cos he asked me to come online.

kitsune udon 6 bowls pls

thats the best i can do so far. which is really pathetic if you consider what i used to be able to wolf down...

1 mth to train up. sian.